[boy]kisser

2001-09-17T08:23:00.000-07:00

Damn, whatta crazy ass weekend. But before I talk about that…

Holee shit! I talked to him!!! who him? That flip dude. His name is brian, and he's such an effing cutie! So it's Thursday, and I'm in ceramics. I look out the dorr and see adrian talking to him. So I walk over and talk to adrian for a bit. Adrian was waiting for kendall to get to class. For once this semester, adrian is not stoned. Wow. So we're being playful with each other and he wants to draw on my tshirt, since I'm in a good mood, I let him. After that I walk over to the bathroom and wash my hands. When I come back, I see brian still sitting outside of his class and I ask him if he's going to class at all. He shakes his head and looks kinda sad. Then he introduces himself to me and I sit down next to him. He then starts to tell me how his uncle was a vp at a bank in the wtc and he's missing. So I spend a good half hour talking to him and consoling him and stuff. After spending time talking to him I was so much more aroused by him, mentally and physically. He's really bright and mature. He told me he wanted to become an art teacher or some sort of teacher. He seems really sweet. I might run into him today, who knows.

So here's how the weekend went.i wasn't to affected by the happenings, so this is more through the eyes of michelle.

X michelle ended up coming home early Saturday morning from la

X we went to the mall and shopped until 3pm

X we were heading to my parents laundromat when jen called

X jen was complaining of chest pains and feared she was having a heart attack

X my mom freaks out and makes plans to drive to arizona that night

X michelle, mom, and dad drive to az and get there around midnight

X it was just a muscle spasm

X they drive back and reach san diego around 8:30pm on Sunday

X they get gas at the military gas station

X the station is being robbed

X michelle wants to flee, but my dad wanted to finish pumping the last $2 worth

X a white couple jump into michelle's new car and they finally flee the scene

X michelle stops a block away and drops off the couple and calls 911

X she leaves san diego around 5am this morning

X I call her around 6:45am to tell her she left her house keys here

Damn, I feel bad for my sis. She came down to san diego to get away from la. She's seriously freaked out about the happenings and thinks something might happen in la. So she comes home for some r&r and she ends up with such a fucked weekend. I'm sorry, 'chelle.

Meanwhile, I spent my whole weekend at home working on my latest painting. I closed up the laundromat on Saturday night. Nothing really exciting. Although I did get hit on by a mestizo navy guy. I think my scent of non-commitment turns on certain guys. I need a shirt that says "I don't like you" or something.

random thought: I think I want to take up muy thai. Thai kickboxing, you numbnutt.

2001-06-21T15:12:00.000-07:00

i'm feeling lazy right now.
chris came over and we took a nap together. not a NAP nap, just two people sharing a bed just because.
i don't know why we're not dating, we just aren't. i kissed him today and it was nice, but it lacked something.
i would drop all of my old guy crushes just to date someone totally new. i mean i do enjoy dating guys i'm friends with already, but that's what i've always done. i need something different.

2001-05-17T09:12:00.000-07:00

i'm feeling affectionate right now.
i'm just in one of those moods.
i want to give all of my friends' big hugs and sloppy kisses.
kind of a token on appreciation for putting up with the stuff i do and get into. i'd hate to be listening to my own problems. but i guess it's all worth it. when i'm not in a rut or going through some identity crisis or going through love drama, i'm worth it as a friend. i don't want to sound cocky. but once you actually need someone to hold you and tell you things will be okay, then i'll be there.
i just needed to get that off of my chest.
i love you, all of you.

2001-04-18T23:09:00.000-07:00

so i'm heading to l.a. tomorrow i'm i'm so lost.
like michelle hasn't told me what time we're going and who we're staying with and shit like that. so i might end up going to school for a little bit tomorrow. which isn't so bad. i wanted to take a picture of my nude painting i did today. it is sooo dope. i think i did a great job on it.
rachael came back to class today. i love her to death, but she is such a bitter broad. i told her about my idea for the store and shit like that and then she just took my dream and sat on it. she told me that the location i chose was stupid and that i won't make money and shit like that. it totally brought me down. i'm avoiding her right now.
it's late and i still have to pack and look for another sleeping bag. *sigh* in ways i don't want to go. but i know i should. so i will.

2001-04-17T19:49:00.000-07:00

my latest creation. go to it and worship my lack of online knowledge.

2001-04-17T08:44:00.000-07:00

posting up a whole new site is annoying. maybe because the computer i'm on keeps kicking me off when i'm working. grrrrr.
i don't know how my day is going just yet. i fear it's going to be bad. it might not be, but it's just a fear of mine. i'm still out of it. i've got a test in a few minutes and i don't really care. i want to take up smoking again, but i know that it's bad for me. maybe i'll find adiran and buy some weed from him. i think pot is the narcotic that i crave right now.

2001-04-16T22:38:00.000-07:00

i'm going through some shit right now.
just a lot of stuff to think about. i'm just so lost and confused with everything. i'm not really depressed, just really really confused.
my mom and i are going through some stuff. she doesn't understand what i'm trying to do. like i'm just trying to find out what is my purpose and all of that stuff.
she asked me yesterday if i wanted to open up a store. at first i said no becuase i didn't want it to weigh me down when i'm ready to leave san diego. but then i was talking to melanie and some other people and it made more sense that i should do it. so right now i'm in the process of research. i've got a lot to do. lots of business junk and lots of production questions that i need answered. it's gonna be a bitch to work out, but my store would make some major bank and that will help me get through school and shit. i'll give you more detail on it next time.
i was going to try to scan some polaroids i took today. i took some very good pictures of spencer and matthew, i was going to scan them on thursday during school, but i'm going to head up to los angeles with michelle to see a preview of some movie in little tokyo and michelle just informed me that we'd be there from thursday-saturday. so while i'm there i'm going to work on some business hook ups and maybe get this store idea up and running.
if only i wasn't so jaded.

2001-04-14T21:09:00.000-07:00

so yeah, i decided to change my name to "ficti0n". i kept pondering on something that had good meaning to me, and might possibley cause no confusion or shit like that. so ficti0n was the name of the productions agency thing billy used to have. he's pretty close to my heart and i have much respect for him, so i decided to take over his legacy or whatever it is. /fiction was already taken in envy.nu, so i had to compromise and use fiction with a zero. so yeah.
i'm tired and my face feels dry, and my wrist hurts like mad.
i think i'm just going to head to bed early. i'm old, bite me.

2001-04-14T17:36:00.000-07:00

i decided to move into envy.nu/ficti0n [with a zero]. i'll try to work on it next week.
so...nothing has gone on in the past two days. well i am a bit...fiery in the sex category. spring break is over now and i haven't hooked up with any guy yet. well it wasn't a goal, but it would be nice to have a good makeout session before school starts up.
there were a couple of guys my age that were staring at me after church yesterday, but i really didn't care for them. somehow i tend not to like dating filipino guys. i don't date "my kind".

2001-04-13T11:14:00.000-07:00

geez, i'm back at blogspot. well once school starts up, i'm kicking blogger out and doing my logs the hard way. oh well. fuck me. no seriously, i plan on hooking up with at least one guy before break is over. i feel this spring break was wasted, i was supposed to get all crazy and party my ass off. well my ass is still intact, so i'd better get cracking. it's tough having break during holy week and having total churchgoing 'rents. poop.

& the next layout should be up in the next few weeks. a possible dedication to soul coughing. how much i love thee.

2001-04-13T11:02:00.000-07:00

ing there's the blog that didn't post from thursday. suck ass.

so here's what happened today that i enjoyed and feel like blogging about.

american high is back! this is one of my all time favorite t.v. shows. bradley looks very much like my alec. and robby looks identical to my ex b/f, mat. i just totally <3 this show. it used to be on fox, but now pbs is playing it. i'm so stoked.
&
i met this cute guy at work today. he's a deliver boy for the cheese shoppe, it's a deli off of 5th&market. anyway, sadly i didn't get his name. but he was hella cute. laura, april, and i were just doing some madgossiping about him after he left. i was like "damn, next time i go in there, i'm gonna have to get a side order of him" and "hey april, next time you have him deliver your lunch, let me tip him". grrrrrr. sometimes i'll put boys to such shame.
so yeah. i'm managing to fulfill my daily quota of meeting at least one hot guy. i swear, next time i go to lunch at the cheese shoppe, i'm so hooking him up with my number.

oh yeah! so this morning when i was walking towards my work, the construction workers were out on there break. so they were sitting across from my block and ~~watching~~ staring at me as i walked passed them. only because janel told this one construction worker, jason, that i thought he was cute. so they all tend to stare at all of us girls and it's flattering, but creepy too.

2001-04-10T23:30:00.000-07:00

i see a lot of my daily visits are having a problem with her. i must admit that i was shocked and kinda grossed out to see this girl busting out of her top. i'm older than most of the girls and i've seen plenty of nakedness, but dude, she's like 14. cleavage is for us older girls and adult actrsses so keep those things to yourself, child. and quit trying to make them look bigger, you've just barely hit puberty, you've got another 4 years to make them into bombshells.

and hey, if any of you girls want to be hos, be classy about it. no guy wants a w.t. hooker, unless they are w.t. themselves.

get it?

2001-04-10T22:51:00.000-07:00

so on may 4th i promised jen i'd visit her in arizona. my mom wants to go to sedona, so that's pretty cool.
work was lame. jen (deputy dork boss lady) was a cunt. so i'm trying to get a job with the school instead. i met kay's (she's the real boss at my work) grandaughter. she's a freshman in high school and having the teen angst that i'm so familiar with. but she's pretty cool. she's still in that "everything sucks" mode. she's also got a 19 y.o. brother that i haven't met yet.
geez, sometimes i can be so shallow. like there's this new guy at work, carlos. he's a jazz musician who's kinda cute. and then there's this other guy, mark, i've got a semi-crush on him. he's got great looking eyes. and there's a bunch of little ho-volunteers around too. i'm too lazy to bother making new friends. luckily i got to talk to janel after work. i need to do some good old gossiping and bullshitting.
i need to get in jen's good side and make kay like me even more (even though she likes me a whole bunch, but i want her to love me)., so i baked. i made my peanut butter chocolate chip cookies. my mom gave me the advice to brownnose. now normally i'd be all like PSH! about it, but it's a good idea. money is a major staple in my life right now. london isn't cheap, neither are books and canvases.
i'm so sleepy now, but i've got to finish up my emails and junk. i just got carole king's tapestry c.d. and the soul coughing irresistible bliss c.d. i love them both. what a random choice in music. oh well, they both rock.

2001-04-09T11:54:00.000-07:00

i'm so lazy today. my goal was to clean as much as possible, but i ended up sleeping in until 9:00, then sitting in front of the television and watched me some martha stewart. how exciting. so hopefully i'll go out and do something. maybe have lunch with karen and matt.
this is so boring.

2001-04-08T21:23:00.000-07:00

oh yeah, bands on the run (on VH1) is my new favorite show!
soulcracker rocks (not just cos they're from san diego, either)! i always wanted to be like the girls in harlow (total sex goddesses). and cory of flickerstick is my new special boyfriend. i hate being a groupie, but i'm so in love with this show. i'd marry it if i could and then have cory's babies. yowza.

2001-04-08T21:16:00.000-07:00

nothing major went on today.
did the usual.
it was hella nice out. no rain, all sun.
spring cleaning is a go.

2001-04-07T18:28:00.000-07:00

blogger is a bitch right now.

2001-04-07T18:08:00.000-07:00

i acutally had the ovaries to show up at work today. since i've pretty much been laid off. well the thing is that they never said i was laid off, just "on call". but i got paid to work today, and i'll be going in next week. i found out that i might be headed to europe in the beginning of june, so i need to start saving. i'll postpone my tattoo fund and save up for my tongue ring. plus my mom is giving me at least $300 in pocket money.
so work was interesting. i was tuck working the front desk. it was so busy because of the rain. i barely got a break because people kept coming in. we ended up making well over $3000 in admissions, we also had four refunds from disgruntled parents. lame. also i found out my coworker, marisol, had her last day today, so that made me sad. and i found out that janel is working at the school next door and gabe has his own office and is a rat (i saw his time card). but i was a good girl today, i smiled and was polite. i didn't give any of them the finger or gave them dirty looks.
damn, my pager went off. gotta go for now, lovelies.
i was annoyed by all of the customers because people kept paging me and i wanted to call them back. so right now i figure that i'll be heading out to party in a couple of hours. karen is at a fancy country club wedding thing, and i still have to touch base with matt, and we're all supposed to hook up with spencer and his homies. so if we end up at spencer's i'm just going to safeway and buying a bottle of tequila (actually, get someone over 21 to buy it for me) and a couple of limes and just plan on doing some tequila shots and passing out. whatta plan.

2001-04-06T19:21:00.000-07:00

my cold is getting a little bit better. i think my hormones are battling the germs and my hormones are winning. it's spring break. i actually want to go to tijuana sometime this weekend or next week. maybe take skip's sacramento friends. get into a shot drinking contest like the good ol' days. ~~sometimes~~ most times i've got such naughty ideas in my head...

2001-04-06T16:03:00.000-07:00

i'm a schlub and i hate my computer. i've been trying to put out a decent layout for a page, but my brain isn't functioning and i can't do it. so i'm going to make minor attempts and then publish it. but for now, i'm going to wait and work on it at school. so for now, i'll just post up my newest blog image.

2001-04-05T17:24:00.000-07:00

kinda bummed that i won't be seeing my college homies for a week.
but we're gonna make the best of it.
matt invited us to a point loma party, and spence is having a little bbq at his place. turns out he's got his buddies from up north coming down. i wonder if he minds me hooking up with any of them. he's also got his little sis coming down, and i'd like to meet her. earlier today he was confiding in me about how he doesn't like the path his sister is going in high school. he told me about how her friends use her to get to him. i'm not too shocked. 15 y.o. girls chasing after spencer isn't too hard to see. plus i've been there. so i'd just like to talk to her and maybe knock some sense into her head or something.
but yeah...
spring break...woohoo.

oh yeah, i put one of my paintings in the little one day scholarship contest. i didn't win. why? cos the judges were all grannies!!! seriously, it's like an episode of golden girls. they didn't choose any paintings. they chose a bunch of ceramic pots and junk. lame.

2001-04-05T17:02:00.000-07:00

i put up a new guestbook. so go on and sign it.

2001-04-04T19:27:00.000-07:00

the latest layout design theme. vespas. why make a layout on vespas? cos i'll kick the ass of someone who owns a razor scooter, but will admire someone who putters around in one of these badboys. plus vespas are a little reminder of my days as a rude girl. teehee.

2001-04-04T11:48:00.000-07:00

i just took a painkiller, and as soon as i wake up from the effects of the pill i'll work on a new layout and put up a brand spanking new guestbook.

2001-04-04T11:29:00.000-07:00

i've got a cold today, so i stayed home from school. normally i would enjoy a day away from classes, but not this time. there's a one day scholarship deal going on tomorrow and i was going to submit my newest painting. i was going to spend the day working on it, but i barely slept a wink last night. i'm pissed at michlle for giving me her stupid cold. bitchass used my glass in our bathroom to gargle with. gross. so now my throat has swelled up and i'm using up a rainforest of tissues.
oy....my head hurts.
i'm just pissed about everything right now. my gbook won't work, i hate my layout, and i hate my sister for getting me sick.
i'm lost.

2001-04-02T21:30:00.000-07:00

there's a boy named phillip in my painting class who looks like billy joe from green day. he's cute, for a short guy. i'd have a crush on him if he didn't hang out with such jerky people.

2001-04-02T21:26:00.000-07:00

nothing grand happened today.
i went boxing and got a little friendly with gus.
courntey hooked up with felicia over the weekend, so they're like a "couple". frankly, i'm jealous. felicia's supercute and they look good together. i wish i had that, but with a guy. a boxer from the club would be nice.

2001-04-02T08:53:00.000-07:00

i don't know what's up but today is really fucked over. it's not bad (i don't want to jinx it), but it's not too good. like i'm getting these massive stomach pains, most likely really bad cramps. i'm hoping they'll go away or calm down before my boxing class. and my splash page isn't working at all, the counter won't work and my guestbook is on hiatus. i woke up late this morning and my hair has a mind of it's own. i hate what i'm wearing today and it's stuffy in this lab. grrrr...enuf complaining.

good news...
it's official. i'm going to europe for a part of my summer. michelle says she's not into going to europe. the real reason is that her boyfriend might be going to japan for 3 years, so she'll want to spend time with him. plus she's going to grad school and needs to save up her money. oh well. i'm going. i'm actually looking forward to it. jen's not brining her boyfriend, so i won't have to deal with his nerdly m.i.t. ass. i don't have my heart set on doing too much in europe. we're definitely going to be visitng my family in london and germany. i hope we can make it to spain or somewhere else. jen's such a tourist, so she'll be the geek of the group. all i really want to do is pack my sketchbook and my dad's old minolta and breathe in new inspiration and find a new form of art/design. and go clubbing with my cousins and maybe make out with some british guy. oh yeah...

2001-04-01T14:45:00.000-07:00

i have a headache and i hate people.

what more can i say?

2001-03-28T21:03:00.000-08:00

canceled!!! i don't know how upset i should be. i'm glad though that i didn't buy my tickets yet.

2001-03-28T16:54:00.000-08:00

woohoo! just got my envelope o' stickers from the chummys over at blkmrkt visuals. so tomorrow i'm going to plaster my locker with heaps of 1" obey giant stickers. rockin'
so today i realize that i am the "hetero" of my little painting class "clique". which wouldn't be so big of a deal if i didn't have to continuously hear about how much they all hate guys and how much they've been hurt by the opposite sex. i sympathize, truly. it's not like i'm a phob, cos one of my best friends is gay. it's just i don't like having to hear their PCU STOP THE PENIS PARTY sopabox rants while i'm getting into my painting zone. here i am, coming up with a great idea for my new painting with helicopters and lots of reds and greens, then i stop and hear them complaining. ugh, now i'm sounding like them by complaining. nevermind all this dribble.
so yeah, i got my stickers. woohoo!

2001-03-28T09:01:00.000-08:00

i can't believe how popular rx bandits has become. i'm mean it's good. but geez, i feel so old. i remember seeing them back in '97. i heard them on 92.5 the flash (another oldskool memory) and when i first heard "teen idol", i fell in love. and i dragged rach to go to SOMA (oldskool) with me and see them. they're like the only ska-related band she liked. but i remember when they called themselves pharmaceutical bandits, not just rx bandits. damn, that makes me feel old. going to SOMA makes me feel old. listening to my reel big fish c.d. makes me feel old.
here are the lyrics to teen idol, just cos i love the song so much.

You're my teenage idol
All I ever wanted was to be like you
When I see you when we're at school
I just idolize you
because you're a slut
And I think that's real cool now
How do you get around
Doing all the guys in town
When your boyfriend's not in town
Never never see you frown
How do you get around people
Don't you know they're not onto you
Megan, you are mine
You're my teenage idol
All I ever wanted was to be your friend
You would've done anything
To be the most popular girl at school
And I would've done anything for you...

2001-03-28T08:00:00.000-08:00

yesterday's roadtrip.

2001-03-27T08:16:00.000-08:00

yesterdays blog that i was too tired to post:

so so very tired.

today i got to see my best gay friend, alec. yay! he’s super witty.
i also helped karen take her dogs to the vet. that was pretty fun, since her dogs supposedly love me. i guess humping my leg equals love.
geez, i’m so drowsy.
so anyway, gotta see alec, played frisbee with my puppy (spencer), and…that’s about it.
here’s a witty snippet from a conversation i had today:

courtney: “damn! (looks at snickers wrapper) ‘not an instant winner’. lame.”
me: “maybe you should leave it alone and look back it later, and maybe this time you’ll win.”

yeah yeah….i thought it was funny. i say witty, you say smartass.

2001-03-26T08:02:00.000-08:00

i'm an easily embarrassed person, so when i went to check my links on my site, i clicked on my willy santos link, and out pops a porn site. well porn's not a big deal to me, i see someone naked in an almost daily basis. but i'm in the school computer lab (where i spend half of my life), so there's like this cute guy sitting near me and he kind gives me a funny look. geez, i really don't know how to recover from public embarrassments. like when i walked in the library, the detector went off. grrrr. i always try my best to avoid sirens going off when i enter a building. my urb magazine probably set it off.

i hope today's a good day. i had the worst last 30 minutes of sleep, ever. do you know what i'm trying to say? like the last 30 minutes before my alarm goes off. i could not get comfortable. i'm so exhausted right now. i ended up going to sleep really late cos i was trying to finish my tibetan book. i'm really not sure if i want to go boxing today. i'm tired, didn't eat anything, and my body is just spanking me after drinking this weekend. oh yeah, and the prick that's been stealing my stickers just stole my at the drive-in sticker. c'mon now! that sticker was not made by shepard. that just gets my panties in a bunch. i hope to be getting my sticker pack from him soon. i already got my buddyhead tshirts. actually i'm wearing one right now. stellar.

2001-03-25T20:41:00.000-08:00

i decided to go to arizona with my fam this coming weekend, why? cos i'm broke and in need of new clothes, and my mom is going to pay for everything.

l and i are going to los angeles on tuesday, i'm stoked. i only have about $70 left, but whatever. l.a., baby!!!

geez, i'm just a hormonal freak. i'm all about putting guys to shame right now. earlier this morning i was being driven home and i looked over at this guy that was driving a civic and he was kinda cute. so i stared at him until he looked over, and i gave him "the look". i don't know how he reacted, cos we drove away. i love giving guys "the look", cos they seem so surpised when a girl gives it to them, like only guys are supposed to do it. what's the look? well my "look" is when i look straight at them and kinda pucker my lips (not all kissy, it's a mix of pout/pucker). and i don't flinch, i kinda like have a staring contest with them. i gave "the look" and a slight flirty smile to this one dude that was with his girlfriend. he did a double take. teehee. i'm so devious.

speaking of devious...
those boys from hemet, ca. are absolute sexgods!!! mmmm...they tease me so good.

2001-03-24T16:55:00.000-08:00

spending the beginning of my saturday night looking at sites that are way better than mine, so patheitc.

2001-03-24T11:02:00.000-08:00

ugh...champagne hangovers are the worst.

i went over to karen's for a little television party. our firend, chato, was on the sci-fi show "the invisible man". damn, the invisible man is hot! it was great seeing chato on television.
the party was a little different from the usual, but it did end up with forbidden sex and someone leaving pissed off (it's a tradition). the only young ones were me and my friend tammy. we were a bit uncomfortable cos everyone else was 35&up. and there was this creepy doctor of astrology, louie, that kinda bothered me. he was all over tammy (and she's very much into her boyfriend), and i think he knew how i was feeling towards him. which is good, i think he was scared of me.
after awhile, we brought out the champagne and got wasted. i callled up spencer and he said he'd bring some friends over, but he never came. then i called up matt, and he said he'd come over but never did. it was funny when i called up matt cos his friend, darren, answered and i was trying to hook up with him over the phone (he sounded very attractive). at first he was into it, like i asked him what he looked like, and he responded with, "um...i'm cute..." i thought that was sweet. but later on he was like, "uh...i have a girlfriend...and she's really pretty and i like her a lot..." yuck! i just wanted to use him. but his voice did turn me on a whole bunch.
oh yeah, the sex&anger part of the party. this one woman, winda, was some new chick that i just met. she's really pretty and she was really drunk. she was flirting with karen's nextdoor neighbor, "lukie". i thought it was just fun&games, but they ended up going up to one of the guestrooms (the one i called dibs on) and had a little sex party up in there. the thing is...chato liked her and he was hella mad when he found out what they were doing. because he likes her, and lukie is married with teenage sons. i was shocked by the whole thing. but not too shocked, since i was drunk. but that sucks, lukie is pretty cute for an older man, but he's married. that's all a bit much. so chato left all pissed, but we didn't know until later that he was doing lines with lisa and lisa's b/f, matt. so chato left mad, drunk, and down.
*sigh*
just another crazy night...

2001-03-23T10:45:00.000-08:00

i just spent the last 4 hours cleaning. i was just in one of those "moods".
today i get to go to the park with l. yay!
i want to go boyhunting today, now that i'm back to my normal self (with a few minor tweaks and tugs).

2001-03-22T16:42:00.000-08:00

oh yeah, my guestbook is fucked up again. so you can go to my old site if you care and just sign that one. or just don't sign it. since most of you don't!

2001-03-22T16:40:00.000-08:00

gross! just drank some bad chocolate milk.

so anyway...

today i let my hormones run wild. they sure did have some fun. i met this boy, justin, from the 3-d design class my sculpting teacher teaches. he's soooooo fuckin' hot. and he knows i'm into him. he's caught little snippets of my conversations with karen. like me saying, "that guy that's drilling in the workshop is hot!" or other lewd and dirty things. so i finally got the nerve to talk to him. we talked about class and little things. he's just so cute! he's got these two tattoos on his upper right arm. one's an angel (either falling or flying) and the other's an eagle's eye view of jesus on the cross. very well done work, i must say. and it was also a turn on seeing that he had devotion to his religion. and i don't think he's one of those creepy "god rocks!" type of guys. he also has these huge burns on him, scars turn me on. he might have a girlfriend, he might not. doesn't really matter, just happy that i'm looking at other guys besides spence.

i think s was actually jealous of justin. cos earlier, i was working on my sculpture and i work away from the other students, so i can't see who's coming in or out the door. so karen says, "hey! it's that cute guy!" and i leap up from my seat and look around the corner, just as i did, justin walks by. my face turns red and i look over at karen, who's laughing her ass off. so to save face i say, "oh, i thought you were talking about spencer." and play it off (cool like fonzi). so i go over to spencer's workshop and tell him what happened, and he just gives me this little smirk/smile, kinda like the one i give him when he brings up sex&hisgirlfriend. that was pretty cool. but justin thinks i'm into spencer because we're always dicking around with each other. like when he was wrestling me for my spray bottle after i squirt him about twenty times. and whenever i take a break from working, i go over to spencer to talk. and all of those other things that i've always done with spence. but oh well. i have the hots for justin. and gus.

spring fever...i've got it!

2001-03-22T08:41:00.000-08:00

[caligirls] is the link of the day.
why? i love living in california. to come to think of it…i really don't want to move out of cali. i'm getting fuzzy warm feelings about moving to los angeles. michelle is going there next week, and i can't go with since i still have classes. :o\ but i still get to go to arizona…aka hibatchi.

2001-03-21T18:21:00.000-08:00

rachael scolded me for hanging out with spencer today. he joined me while i was basking in the warm sun before my painting class. he decided to take off his shirt and lay down next to me. i didn't really care. but she "caught" us. psh! whatever. i love her to death, but she's so anti-boys, it gets annoying. spence is just my chum. my boytoy. my sex kitten. okay, he's just a chummy. if he takes off his shirt...hohum...he has his shirt off. i've become more turned on when i see gus not wearing a windbreaker. we dubbed him (spencer) my puppy dog. a cocker spaniel to be exact (due to his curly hair). he's sweet and lovable and stupid (in a sweet/lovable way).

2001-03-21T08:55:00.000-08:00

my mom asked me to go to london this summer. the catch is that i'd have to chaperone my sister and her fiancé. gross! actually michelle was going to go with jenny, but michelle hates jen's boyfriend. and spending two weeks with him upsets her. so if michelle doesn't go, i'll go. even though i'm a retard and really don't want to go right now. i mean i do, but i was going to wait and go before i move away. plus i'm not the worldly sister, michelle is. she's planning on having a graduation party (understandable), and my parents are planning on buying her a new car for graduation and then she might go to london. all i ask is to be left alone when needed and have no questions asked i come home from being out with friends at 3:00 am.

2001-03-21T08:11:00.000-08:00

also yesterday i borrowed some books from the library. i got the tibetan book of the dead and colors and crystals: the journey through the chakras. surprised? well if you really know me, you'd be. i'm very much a…well i'm not too spiritual. my dad is spiritual, he's a hardcore catholic but also likes to read up on other religions. he'll give me booklets that he's gotten from his buddhist friends, i usually read them to make him happy but never really pay attention to what i read. but i went over to theresa's page and read her blog about how she was having her chakras balanced out and her aura cleansed. naturally i was like "psh! hippy shit is what it is." of course i was in one of my bitter, square moods. but then reading that just stuck in my head and i decided to look up the whole chakra deal. i already know a good amount on auras, but chakras were another things. so i read parts of the colors and crystals book and it was interesting. i read about the 7 chakras (well she says 7, some say 6 or 5) and it was just a big ol' headtrip. i knew i was off balance and this book just made me realize why. most of my chakras are off balance or aren't even open.

2001-03-21T08:09:00.000-08:00

things are going great right now.
the only thing that was bad this week was when i got sick during boxing and nearly passed out. i was just dehydrated and i didn't eat anything that day. but yeah…the dude's name is gus, not charles. i finally talked to him since we got to the gym earlier than usual. when i saw him i raced to the changing room and went back to put on my shoes and wraps. i sat on the floor of the center ring and watched him practice with some other instructors. he finished before my class and was putting his gloves in his duffel bag (which i was conveniently sitting next to), so i gave him a friendly "hello" and "how are you today?" banter and gave him the friendly/flirty smile and walked away to do some jump roping. i didn't realize rachael was watching me in the mirror and just gave me "that look". she's just glad i'm over spencer.

and i am…
in ways.
things were back to normal in class yesterday and it was good. i was chummy and innocently flirting with spencer. but there wasn't that spark we had. the only time i felt a twinge of it, was when we touched. luckily we didn't touch too much. but there has to be touching in every friendship, well not really, but i like to touch my boys. heh. karen, matt and i were terrible in class. we got into this whole claythrowing fight, and then we got a little bolder and used the spray bottles. it's good to see things are back to normal, maybe it's the weather. *shrugs*

2001-03-19T18:13:00.000-08:00

my instructor [of love] 's name is gus.
heh...i'm trying to imagining screaming that at the top of my lungs. ew! dirty cheryl!

2001-03-18T21:04:00.000-08:00

i noticed that i've never actually put anyone down online.
this doesn't mean i'm going to start.
but i've seen a couple of sites that irk me. they just seem to rub me the wrong way. oh well, i don't want to get anyone upset, i just needed to say it. but not much is said because i didn't really go into detail, but whatever. i'll just vent with someone i know and trust, meaning not you. ha! damn i'm a square.

2001-03-18T20:57:00.000-08:00

you can now call me "kitty red".

actually no you can't.

yes yes, i just finished coloring my hair and it looks fabulous. well not really, but it's close. i do miss the blonde, since it was so random and shocked strangers like mad.

2001-03-18T15:03:00.000-08:00

it's another awesome day in san diego.
it feels like summertime.
i'm about to head over to rite-aid and buy some red dye. i finally decided to dye it some type of red. the blonde is starting to fade out and bore me.
luke called, so we're going to hang out tomorrow morning before my classes. yay.

i must say, i'm in way better of a mood than thursday or friday.

2001-03-17T17:26:00.000-08:00

oh hunnie...
i took a nap earlier today and had this incredible dream about charles. i haven't seen him without his workout nylon suit deal, so in my dream i finally saw him with his shirt off. holy damn fuckin horndogs. i sure hope he does look like that cos i'm so going to charm his pants off (literally).
okay so here's my dirty girl plan to get to him. after my session, i'll go up to him and ask him for help on my roundhouse kicks, fake an injury and have him rubdown my leg and make it feel better, then just flirt into overdrive. damn, i'm going crazy [again].

2001-03-17T17:08:00.000-08:00

i just bought the new coldplay last night.
it's soooo rocking my sad&depressed world.

2001-03-17T12:53:00.000-08:00

well i feel much better today.
the sun is out and i feel fine.
i went out and had coffee with l and went to walmart.
i finally pushed myself into paying some bills and cleaning my room. maybe tonight i'll dye my hair or go over to karen's house and veg with her. i don't want to be stuck by myself tonight.

uuuuuhhhhhhh...
that's all for now.

2001-03-16T14:55:00.000-08:00

maybe doing this will cheer me up.

2001-03-16T14:28:00.000-08:00

oh yeah, i called up karen. it felt good. i was able to cry. i cried a good long hour. i feel a lot less angry, but i'm still not myself. but i'm better than i was a few hours ago.
i told her about how i've always been in control, and now i feel that i've lost it. she told me it's just a part of life and you have to get over it. and that's what i'm going to do.
why the fuck should i be in a damn social coma, if it's not even my fault that everyone around me is retarded. fuck you all, is what i say.

2001-03-16T14:12:00.000-08:00

so lame, i spent half an hour cooking me some lunch, and when i started eating it, i felt sick and threw it all up in under 30 seconds. damn, what a waste.

2001-03-16T11:05:00.000-08:00

i didn't workout this morning, even though i know i should. rachael didn't call me up, and that's my excuse.
karen paged me this morning, asking me how i'm doing and blah blah blah. uagh, i don't even know how to answer her. i'm wondering if i should call her back, or just truly wrap myself in my social coma and tell the world to fuck off. i want to buy cigarettes but the fact that i'm broke and the other fact that i'm trying so very hard to quit are in the fucking way. plus when i work out, my chest feels like it's being slashed open after sparring. i wonder if i'm going to go to the boxing club at all. i want to, in hopes to see charles. so pathetic.
i tried eating today and threw up. my body is not in tune with my emotions. i feel way off balance. i need to do something drastic. like get something pierced or use that bottle of red hair dye i have in my room.
in the fabulous words of chato:
"i wish i could just drink a bottle of vodka and pass out."
amen brotha.

2001-03-15T16:52:00.000-08:00

oh dear god...it's coming...i hate this...
i'm feeling myself being sucked into my social coma. why don't i just fight it? cos it's not that easy you fuckin' smartass. maybe i'm just too fucking sensitive. maybe the world's just a bunch of pricks and bitches. and maybe you're one of them!
okay, now i'm crying. are you happy now???

2001-03-15T16:36:00.000-08:00

i had a cigarette today.
i was so upset that i needed one. i even threatened matt if he wouldn't give me a fuckin' smoke. and i wouldn't leave him alone until he did.

2001-03-15T16:28:00.000-08:00

i was in a good mood this morning. *note: i said was.

i sat next to sergio in the computer lab this morning. he's supersweet and very sexy and very much married. he makes me blush and giggle, just cos he's such a good guy.
in class my mood changed. i felt horrid. karen was in a snappy moood, and i could tell she was trying to "kid" with me but i know she was truly annoyed. not with just me, but everything. i don't think i'm gonna bother showing up to the little event going on tonight and at the italian place across the street.
and spencer just shot my mood. i asked him what he was doing this weekend and he said, "well my girlfriend is coming home on friday, so i'm going to spend the whole weekend getting laid." way too much info right there. and he went into more detail about how she's been gone all week and he's so used to having sex at least once a day and so on.
truly, it hurts me. it hurts me so much that i'm hurting as i type this out and reread it. he's such a jerk and he knows i'm bothered by it. after he said that, i tightened my lips together and walked away. a total cheryl sign saying "i can't believe you just went there". i was in an okay mood when karen and i went to costco, but then i thought about him and immediately became upset. it just hurts. i want to cry, but i'm so mad that i just can't cry. i need time away from him. it's so fucking tough, but it needs to be done. i need to lose as much communication with him as possible. if there is any communication, it'll be very short.
god i'm so mad!!! i'm mostly mad at myself for letting this guy get to me. i need to workout tonight. i need to vent this anger before i lose control and start throwing things. i might do worst things than that and just fuck the next guy that hits on me. i don't know why i do this to myself. i'm such a "strong" person, yet i hand a senseless boy my emotions and my heart, and i get nothing in return but frustration and loneliness. i just don't know why i can't cry!!!

2001-03-15T10:24:00.000-08:00

a grand royal contest!!! now who wouldn't want to win this?

2001-03-14T20:19:00.000-08:00

wowie, she put in her blog. stoked!

2001-03-14T09:50:00.000-08:00

i wish i were cool enuf to be part of these online girly cliques. no, i'm serious. but i feel weird, like i'm too different from these other girls. like i don't have a good enuf computer at home to make crazy cool designs. and i don't spend much time online (well i do, but i don't get to use aim at school. and this dude sitting next to me is breathing so hard, i fear he's having a heart attack. and you didn't need to know that. and i feel like i'm too old to be trying to be hip and with the younger high school generation. and i'm only 2 years out of high school, but still feel too old. and i'm using and so much that my english teachers are rolling in their graves, but i doubt they're even dead yet. and i feel like such the loner in this crazy thing we call the internet. i mean a lot of people spend so much time making buddies online, and i like doing that, but i don't have the time. i mean it's a lot different from my life out of the computer. i guess i just wish my on/off line lives were the same. am i making any sense? or is the claritin making me a bit funny…?

2001-03-14T09:41:00.000-08:00

damn, it's taking forever just to buy my at the drive in tickets online.

2001-03-14T07:29:00.000-08:00

how annoying is this?
i get to school and put my workout bag in my locker, and low and behold...
some dillhole stole two of my stickers that were on the outside of my locker. geez! how fuckin' gay is that shit??? i'm so annoyed right now. they were my two favorite stickers. it was my "party for your right to fight" buddyhead sticker and my "obey giant" shepard fairey sticker (given to me by jason). augh!!! so i wrote a little note on my locker which said, "to the chump who stole my stickers- YOU'RE GHETTO!!! -girl@39" someone last year stole my other obey giant sticker, that pissed me off, but these things last over a semester without being stolen. and i don't think i have anymore. now i have to buy more stickers. the next batch i buy, i'm going to stick all over my locker. and so when i leave, people are going to fight for the #39 locker in the art department. bitchass!!!

2001-03-13T17:33:00.000-08:00

the weather today was fanfuckintastic!
i spent most of my day laying out in the sun, basking in all it's UV glory.
i'm not in too much pain after my morning class with lawson. we did do these things called "tables" and they're these painful things that are like pushups, but you stay in the middle position for a minute. a looooong minute. the only sore thing is my right shoulder, luckily.
nothing big happened with spencer. we hung out, didn't really do much, blah blah blah. he did make me a new sculpting tool, he even cut his knuckle while grinding it. it's kinda gnarly, cos his bloods on it. but it was nice of him. we weren't as chummy, probably because i was avoiding him a bit. and that sucks. i'm going to stop and just let things be. yeah...that's it.

grrrrr...this is so lame!

2001-03-12T18:31:00.000-08:00

woohoo!
just got back from my boxing session. sadly, i didn't get to talk to my gentleman friend, but i did find out that he's a personal kickboxing instructor. purrrrrrrr... something about that bald head of his...i just want to dance my fingers against it. gross, huh? not to me. i'm bummed that we didn't talk. he was working with someone when i got there, and he left in the middle of my stretches. oh well, next time i'll get him.

after the session i was talking to rach about the conversation i had with spencer before our painting class. i'm totally confused right now with the way she disected it. so....

i was sitting in the cafe (as usual) waiting for my friends to drop by. so courtney, darrly, and rach sit with me and we talk about our weekends and blah blah blah. then spence grabs a seat and sits with us. he looks at me and says, "dude, what happened with saturday night???" and i totally forgot about the party we were supposed to invite him to. then he went on about how bored he was and how he did nothing and so on. and in my head i'm thinking, "why didn't he just fuckin' page me?" so when i asked him that, he didn't really have much of a response. i told him about how sick i was on saturday night and how i ended up going to bed around 8:30PM and how i was going to call him, but just didn't. then i told him about how my boy chris was leaving town on saturday morning and he said something like, "oh...so i guess you two were pretty busy on friday", meaning "so you two fucked like bunnies on friday." i just said, "that's none of your business, but yes, yes we were busy." that was kinda shocking with his remark and all. then he said some more shit like "damn, my girl just left and i didn't get any of that." *turnoff and then he went on to how he wanted to hang out with me on saturday and the rest is a blur...

so what rach got out of it was that spencer wanted a bootycall from me. somehow she got that, and somehow it sounds right. he must know that i have feelings for him, and knows that i would give it up to him in notime flat. and that hurts a lot just thinking about it. like i was at the point of crying. one of my things is that i don't like having people use my feelings against me. so right now i'm just confused, and i don't know... i think i'm just going to try to focus my sexual energy on the instructor.

'k, time to veg out and ponder life, then study for my classes tomorrow.

2001-03-11T18:53:00.000-08:00

mmmmm...just woke up from a great nap!
so last night i ended up going to bed around 8:30PM because i had a bad reaction to the gluphage i was taking. i had this huge headache and was dry heaving. so i took a couple of aspirin, threw it up, then took some more. then i took some sleeping pills and woke up around 6AM feeling much better.
right now i'm firguing if i should go over to karen's and watch a movie with her and chato. sounds fun, but i don't know if chato will like being there, since i think he's intimidated by me. *shrugs* whatever.

2001-03-10T18:17:00.000-08:00

for a short moment, i lost all esteem and figured i'd never make it in becoming a graphic designer and never be famous.
then i said buck the fuck up! YOU'RE GOING TO BLOW EVERYONE OUT OF THE WATER AND ROCK THEIR WORLDS!
well i didn't say that outloud, but i figure you have to be vain and cocky and hella confident to get what you want.
so i'm feeling better now. teehee. /\ .. /\

2001-03-10T17:59:00.000-08:00

i feel like such a loser right now.
it's saturday afternoon and i don't have anything booked for tonight. the party at karen's was postponed, and chris is back up north. blah. even everyone at home has some social event to go to. ugh! how pathetic. i might call spence, but i'm too lazy to. i took a nap earlier today and dreamnt about massaging his arms. heh. i couldn't help it, they turn me on! he used to do construction for a year and developed these huge man arms. i know he's not doing anything. but if i ask him to go hang out with me, he'll probably invite javier (or even worst, his g/f). nah....too much of a headache. i wish i could just say, "hey, i invited you, not your girl." he'd probably understand...that i'm a jealous [and horny] best friend. i swear one day i'm just going to rape him. though it's not rape if you're willing...

*ahem*

so yeah...anyway...

i'm so bored with this weekend, i'm looking forward to school on monday. i'm starting a whole new painting and it's gonna rock your world. i hope. i'll post the picture up next time, since i'm still designing it on my comp. it's a popartish piece with a vintage gun as the focal point and there's going to be text saying "it's all fun&games", then the numbers: 14 and 2. maybe it'll have the numbers on it, symbolizing the santana high shooting. anyhow, i drew it up on butcher paper on wednesday in class, and i got some good reaction to it. i'm trying to get at least one piece of work in this semester's student exhibitions. anyway, i think i'm going to nap by the phone, in hopes to have a late date, or maybe coffee with a homie. *shrugs*

2001-03-08T16:43:00.000-08:00

it's been a great day.
i actually did my work in class, and managed to socialize... and grab spencer's ass.
what we have right now is what i like. i'm not trying to get in his pants anymore. we're just friends. good friends who like to talk dirty to each other. heh. he invited me to watch him play basketball, um...okay...that was an odd request. like why doesn't he have his gilr go? psh!
saturday we're having another get together at karen's. i wanted it to be small. like a certain amount of us having dinner and watching a movie. but then chato got all up in it and wanted filly and lauren to go. he wants all of thse lame-o girls that we don't know or care for. like if i could decided, it would just be me, karen, chato, spencer, brad, brady, tess, heather, mike, julius, matt, and julie. that's not too many. and there's this one guy, lee, that's in our class. he's nice and one of those cornfed country guys, and i think he likes me. *shrugs* maybe i'm just being vain. oh well. i'm sleepy, time for a nap.

2001-03-08T09:44:00.000-08:00

travis keller of buddyhead...

do i need to say a word??? witty, intellectual, and a sex god...just one makeout session, that's all i ask

2001-03-07T09:59:00.000-08:00

what's worst then the pain after working out? the pain that comes the day after working out.
ouch!
the only trouble spots are my thighs, knees, and ribs. i can barely walk right this morning. using stairs makes me want to cry. and i don't know if i want to do the 1 hour workout session this afternoon. if rachael wants to go, then i'll go. but i'll just workout on my own., even though it's not as affective as the cardiovascular hour sessions.
my plan…is that if we go at 4:00pm and i run into that gentleman, then i'll ask him if he wants to workout with me. not to have him hit on me and boast up my esteem, but i just hate working out alone. it'd be nice to have him as my spotter on the weights. or maybe he can teach me some more kickboxing moves. whatever's clever.

2001-03-06T17:16:00.000-08:00

i'm so tired right now. but i still have a paper to write.
i went to my 6:30 am kickboxing class, and it felt incredible. i was in pain, but very happy with it. then in my cinema class we watched Places in the Heart, which was pretty good. i didn't fall asleep through any of it. i also had a midterm in that class, i hope i did okay...at least get a B on the test. and in sculpting, my teacher made everyone look at slides. *yawn* luckily i had my sculpture in front of me, so i was picking at it through the lecture. nothing special went on... i think i'm over spencer. i'd rather be his friend. it makes things less complicated. i dunno. we'll see...

2001-03-05T18:04:00.000-08:00

wow, whatta day.
right now i'm just kickin back, eating some sour mango my mom gave me, and resting.
i just finished my boxing class, and i feel so fuckin great!!!
the day was fairly shitty. i didn't want to go boxing at first, and i wasn't happy with my painting. and spencer didn't come and visit me during class. i know something's up. but fuck it. rachael is constantly smacking me upside my head and making sure i don't fall for him. she's such a great girl, looking out for me and all. but on the other hand, brady came to visit me! i looooove brady! he's the sweetest guy i've ever met (and he isn't gay). i miss him so much. i'm gonna visit him in santa monica one of these days. it felt nice hugging him.
(*sigh* warm feelings...)
soanyway when we were partnered up and did some sparring, she (rach) was mocking me and pretending she was spencer to get me mad. and it worked. i punched her so hard, she stepped back 3 steps. and when it came to her turn, i acted like her ex b/f. she punched me until my boobs went numb. but it was great. and all of these guys were around. i was being checked out by a sweet gentleman. how old was he? why do you think i'm calling him a "gentleman"? heh. but there were also cute young guys around. one of them looked very familiar, i'll have to introduce myself next time. but there was this one cutie that caught my eye. he had dark curly hair, and a tattoo on his left arm. grrrr. one of the benefits of taking the afternoon classes. i knew i looked all schlubby, sweating like a fool and nearly collapsing from exhaustion. but i think the guys thought i was cute cos i'm boxing. they must like their women tough. heh. okay, so i'm dreaming. but that gentleman was watching me throughout the workout, and rach watched him as he said goodbye to me (she gave me that "OMG he's sooo checking you out" look). it was totally flattering.

2001-03-04T18:45:00.000-08:00

CNN - Roller coaster derby ends with 3 winners - July 2, 1997.
holy fuckin shit!
chris dison is like my fuckin soulmate. he never told me about this!!! this is nerve blowing!

2001-03-03T12:40:00.000-08:00

so i didn't get my tattoo just yet.
it'd cost me $200 for a solid black cat. yikes!
but i found another cat that only needs to be outlined and it looks cool.
but i dunno now. i only got $133 from my paycheck. and i spent about $30 just last night.
now that i'm officially "on call" at work, i'm pretty much broke until i get a second job. augh...i don't want to get into this right now. i'm so upset just thinking about it.
if this new design is between $75-$140, i'll get it. but i'm kinda unsure.
i'm so horrible, i find the tattoo artist that's doing mine, strangely attractive. he's so quiet and emo looking. i want to find out if he's really like that.
maybe i'm just looking for someone to replace my spencer needs.

my goal for this coming week is to find a boyfriend. seriously. i'm going to find some guy (who doesn't have a g/f), and hook up with him. i'm going to be so fuckin' aggressive, they wouldn't know what hit them. GRRRRRRR!

2001-02-27T21:25:00.000-08:00

should i change my nickname to smitten kitten?

2001-02-27T18:42:00.000-08:00

today was a fairly junky day in my love life.
so my cinema class was watching The Color Purple and it's a pretty emotional movie. so i walked out of the class with puffy eyes and i was sniffling. spencer sits next to me and says whats up. i tell him how i was being silly and crying. his response was bad. he wondered why people cried during movies, since it's all fiction. that just set the tone of my day with him. i was drained from all that crying, and wasn't "in the mood". he was being chummy and poking me. we were flirting a little, but not as much as usual. all in all, it wasn't a great day.

after class, karen and i went out to dinner. we went to this little place called Kearnys. it was really good, but the service was a bit slow. ugh...i'm so stuffed. i'm feeling sleepy now. 'k. time to go.

2001-02-27T07:20:00.000-08:00

so yesterday i did something embarrassing.
i usually meet up with courtney and rachael and spencer at the tables near the cafe. so yeah. no big deal. so we meet up, and i promised rachael i'd go to the cafeteria with her, i invite the others to come along, but courtney decides to stay. so we're all walking along, and i began to get very annoyed with spencer's keys clanging (cos he keeps them on one of his pants loops), so i grab hold of the keys and walk along next to him just to keep them quiet. it's kinda cute looking, but whatever. rach is trying to tell me about her weekend, and i'm pretty much listening. i'm glancing around and stuff, but still listening.
then we get inside and wait for rach to use the atm. i thought i was listening to her at the time, but i guess i wasn't. it wasn't until the middle of class did rach confront me. we were at my locker and i was showing her my new welding mask and i told her about how spence was going to teach me how to weld. then she said, "oooooooh…someone has a crush!" well duh! then she said, "yeah, it's so obvious that you like him. i was trying to tell you about sunday night, and you weren't even listening to me. i was saying, 'i went to this bar and…yeah.. so purple monkeys flew out of my butt.' and all you did was say, 'yeah, uh huh.'" i turned red and felt terrible. i apologized like mad. then she said, "it's not big deal, i understand. but when you and spencer are around each other, it's like no one else is around. i felt invisible, but that was no big deal. i just spent that time thinking up my grocery list." so then she told me that even he didn't notice the whole "purple dragon" bit. heh. i thought that was funny, but i felt so silly for being smitten. it didn't help any when he kept tickling me in the cafeteria. and i still don't know what to make of it!

rach, her sister melody, and i went to the soup plantation for dinner. it was such a riot. there was this cute little high school kid who was a busboy-type-thing. he was probably 16 and he was so hilarious. like he kept coming up to us. like we noticed him when we were looking for a table and he said hello. he kinda gave me a bigger smile than he did to rach. when we sat down i told her that it was so odd, and that he was a bit too young for me. while we were eating, we were talking about random shit, and the busboy was at my side and that totally startled me. he asked if i'd like a refill on my drink. and i just gave him this baffled look. cos we're at a soup/salad buffet place where we serve ourselves. and i was so shocked by his presence. it didn't help any when rach started laughing. i just said no thank you and let him move on. it was just really weird having him constantly coming up to our table. he wasn't even doing that with other tables. he was just cleaning off the tables. then when we left he was loud and made sure to say goodbye to us as we left. heh. how sweet. but once again…no one else was saying goodbye to the customers. even though he's like way younger than i am, i thought that was sweet. i need a little boast of confidence. ya know?

2001-02-26T11:06:00.000-08:00

how crazy is this connection...
davekinsey (my sister's friend) works with shepardfairey (of obeygiant.com). they both design for blckmrktdesigns, which happens to have made a design for atthedrivein, who happens to be under the grandroyal label, which happend to be created by the beastieboys.
if only i could be a part of that craziness. d

2001-02-26T10:03:00.000-08:00

okay, so i've got my list of tattoo artist down to 5.
they're all from avalon&avalon2.
it's between randy, steve, fip, jacek, and dave.
i like randy's work because he's a gret artist and he has this whole huge impressive portfolio on his site -->newpopart, but it seems like he's more into complex art. steve is good because he does great inking (since my tattoo is going to be straightup black). fip was recommended to me by themis, plus he has 21 years of experience. jacek works at avalon2 and does some nice inking. and dave does great inking for someone who's been working there for only 2 years.
my thing is that i'm planning on going to avalon2 in north park, instead of avalon in PB. aurgh, this is tough. fip, jacek, and dave work at avalon2 and i think i'd rather go there since it's not so busy looking. but randy and steve work at the busy (kinda nasty) looking PB shop. i guess it varies on janel and how the weather is. why does the weather matter? cos PB is a nice place to be at when it's not raining. duh!

2001-02-25T21:30:00.000-08:00

ree has me on her blog, so i'm putting her in mine.
ain't it swell?

2001-02-25T21:27:00.000-08:00

so last night was a bust.
okay, so there were like 3 parties to attend, but i was so frustrated with everything, i decided not to go anymore.
i'm sorry rach!!!

so it all started with me trying to callup alec, but he wasn't home. he prolly went out with ron or something.
so i call up spencer. he's totally set to go! only one little (BIG) problem...he invited his girlfriend along. AUGH!!! that turned me off to everything. after having a shitty day at work, going out with spence and his girl didn't seem to make anything better. but we did end up talking on the phone for a couple of hours. his other roomie, carol lee, seems really funny. we're both scorpios and kinda think alike.
this whole thing is beginning to get annoying, i just want a nice boy to date and spend some time with. well that doesn't seem to be happening any time soon.

oh yeah! i acutally made it to church this morning (after not going for almost 2 months). and there were all of these flip guys staring at me. i know it was because of my hair. i don't think they thought it was superodd, i think they were digging the whole rebellious whitewashed flip girl thing. too bad i don't date my own kind. but it was kinda flattering. but it was also humiliating! my mom even noticed the guys looking at me! she nudged me and pointed out that there were these three guys sitting to across from us that would not stop staring at me. funny, huh?

oh well. who fuckin cares?!?!?
lauren reminded me that i've given up on dating. and i have.
i never said anything about seducing...

2001-02-24T17:11:00.000-08:00

i'm in such a shitted mood.
my fuckin' hippy boss made me clean the flooded womens bathroom today. yes yes, i lead the glamorous life. and when i was about to leave, she told me that i don't need to come into work next friday&saturday. stupid bitch.
everything else was in the norm today. i had a birthday party, worked the rgisters, did some store work, blahblahblah.
tonight is rachel's bday party, i'm going to try my best to go.
matt's hiphop thing is tonight also, with a party at the emerald plaza after the show. i don't plan to go tot he show, but might drop in on the party.
rachael (from school) asked me if i wanted to go to an underaged gay club. i told her, "i'd love to...but i'm not gay". but i think she's going just for s***s&giggles.
i got a bunch of stuff from the store, pretty stellar. um...yeah.
i'm still pissed. maybe i'll call up spence.

2001-02-23T18:23:00.000-08:00

dear diary....
*ahem*
so today was once again a fruitful day. heh, not really. i had a school group, but since the parent child ratio was 1:1, i let them do their own thing. things are still a little shitty around work, but soon it'll change. our boss sent out "evaluation forms" that we fill out with the progress of things. i can't wait to get to the "suggestions and comments" part. i'm so ready to rage on them.
they had me working in the museum store today. so easy, but so depressing too. no one ever comes in there.
so tonight spencer invited me and janel to come over and hang out. haha. we we're like "psh! whatever" about it. hanging out doesn't sound too fun. we decided to get tattoos together. so tonight, after the wedding rehearsal, we might go to avalon2 and consult with fip or someone. and get this...spencer said he'd design my tattoo, how sweet is that? answer: very. he's so nice. :o)

2001-02-22T17:15:00.000-08:00

today was a fairly eventful day.
it was cloudy, so everyones' moods were down. mine was so-so. i want to go out tonight, but people already have plans or aren't doing anything.
i'm a little bummed that my homie, matt, has an actual girlfriend now. but it's not too sad, he's only a homie (but he's a sexyass-washboardabs homie).
today spencer found out how ticklish i am. in ways it's good for me, but in ways it's bad (since i freak out when i'm tickled, luckily i don't pee when that happens). he's such a cutie. i enjoy his company.

oh god, karen did something so embarassing to me today. i was sitting outside of class with her, chato, and spencer. we're all just talking about how much they all hate me, then karen says, "aw c'mon now spence, we all know you secretly have the hots for cheryl." thankfully he couldn't see my face, cos i turned beet red. then i told karen to be quiet. the peculiar thing was that he didn't say anything. he didn't get sarcatic and say, "YES! oh no, they know my true feelings." or anything like that. i know he still digs his girl, but he's starting to notice someone better for him. :o9 i'm kidding. i can be patient.

2001-02-22T09:53:00.000-08:00

so this is what my future tattoo might look like. i can't find an aggitated version of this, so i'll have one of my special people draw it out for me. i'm so ready to get this tattoo. grrr.

2001-02-21T18:47:00.000-08:00

this guy looks so hot to me! he works for avalon tattoo. i don't want him to do my tattoo, but i would love for him to just do me. something about him makes me all giddy&such.

2001-02-20T18:40:00.000-08:00

once again i'm torn on whether or not i like S. today we were flirting and i liked that. we had our heads together during class and i got all tingley (teehee). i was working on my clay male torso and matt wouldn't take off his shirt, so i removed spence's shirt so i can look at his back. it's like really weird. i'm totally coming on to him, and he's not backing away or shutting me out. he's taking it in and flirting back. and not in the bad way where guys will lead a girl on just to play games. i guess we're in some odd friendship where we're both incredibley comfortable with each other. he likes doing new things and getting silly and all that great stuff. all of these good things going on and i still don't know if i'm (god, i don't want to say it) in "love" with him. luckily i'm not talking about that gooey-type of love. it's different. we feed off of each others' energies and i dig it. i just want to spend one-on-one time with him. and NO, not one [on top of the other] time. like i want to just sit down at the living room (coffee shop) and curl up next to him and talk.

ugh, do you even grasp what i'm getting at?

2001-02-17T20:42:00.000-08:00

nothing big went on today.
once again, spencer left me unsatisfied. he didn't show up with javier. lame. but whatever. janel and i spent some time talking about how cute jason is, and the times we've seen him look hot and not so hot. also, she told me that the cute dodge truck construction worker guy i like's name is jason. how quiant.
i'm hella tired right now. i'm going to nap, then watch SNL.

2001-02-16T20:13:00.000-08:00

damn. my fish, brad, just fuckin' died. oddly enuf, i'm super bummed (even though i had it for only 2 weeks).
today i went and ran errands midday. i got to cash my check ($195, gosh that's so little). then i went over to the far east import store to find out that they ran out of bamboo slippers in my size. then i went to urban outfitters and bought a paul frank tee. they didn't have the pumas i wanted, so i went to a sports shoe store and bought some dope ass adidas. so killer! then i went to bop topic and bought a new wallet. so now i olny have about $100 left of my check. yikes!
fuckit.
to my dismay, i found out noah is quiting working at the museum. i'm really sad about it. we became really close after he stepped down from being my manager. stupid hippys took over our work. all of us other radicals are starting to thin out. but i'm not going to give in. damn bohemians!

*no offense if you're a hippy/bohemian, i'm just bitter about your freelove-flower power fluff. i'm sure you're real nice though.*

2001-02-15T22:14:00.000-08:00

nothing much to write today.
spencer is coming down to work tomorrow cos i'm trying to hook janel up with his roomie, javier.
i hung out with karen tonight. we went to a greek restaurant that was semi-good. it looked depressing cos there were a bunch of old people there, it was like being in a old folks home. i was in a fussy and stubborn mood, so i got something "american". i realized i'm super picky, cos i'm not too fond of hummos, olives, and eggplant. so greek isn't exactly what i should be eating.
today was a great day. the sun was out, and i was in a super fiesty mood. spencer tried sneaking up on me before class, and was being silly. i like having silly people around me. so yeah!
tomorrow i'm not supposed to go into work, but i'll just play dumb and say i didn't get the message. besides, i need a long talk with those people, they're pissing me off right now. the stupid jerks. i only work 2 days a week. why should i have my hours cut??? do you feel me??? i say it's time for a revolution!

2001-02-14T16:38:00.000-08:00

oops.
i accidently linked my links page instead of my new page.
oh well, go look at it now.

2001-02-14T11:32:00.000-08:00

an all new [barefoot] girl site for your eyes. check it out and sign the book. give me some feedback. it's a lot simpler than my shitass geocities page. and it took my a mere 3 hours to figure out. heh.

happy v.d. to all of you loser

2001-02-13T18:09:00.000-08:00

i got to see spncer with his shirt off.
the normal me would be all hot and bothered and ready to lick cool whip off of his body.
the other me (me, now) just smiled and nodded and went back to moping.

blech!

2001-02-13T07:52:00.000-08:00

so maybe i'm not really over guys. 'cuase there was this hot guy that just walked past me and i'm already thinking of the crazy dirty things a girl like me should be thinking. i guess i'm just over trying to find the right guy to be my boyfriend. i just need a good fuck. you know? like i wouldn't mind if he were an ass, just as long as he's doing me good. like i'm ready for a monster truck driving fred durst type of guy. i want to date testosterone! fuck the emo art guys around campus, i'm not into that dandy fluff shit.

2001-02-11T20:57:00.000-08:00

so last night was rather...interesting...
first off i almost boxed my coworker to a pulp. he was being a little shit and bossing me around. not very bright of him. who the fuck does he think he is???
anyway.
after work i went to balboa park with alec, his friend ron, rachel, spencer, and his roommate javier. it was fun, and cold. we went to the playground and i got to swing. so yay. spence was himself, javier was nice and stuff. i want to hook him up with janel.
after that all but spncer and javier went over to alec's and hung out for a bit.
then rach and i went to island's for some food. we met up with chato and karen. i was already tired by then, but i still had some fun. chato is such a great guy, but he really irks me at times. i wasn't in the mood to watch him drool and grab his crotch and lay all over karen. his sexual nature makes me want to curl up into a ball and roll away. it's so strong and forceful, it freaks me out. he knows i'm not interested in him, and he actually said it last night. but whatever.

i'm done with the dating game right now. seriously. i'll still check out guys, but i'm not going to even bother to plot/persue any of them. i'd love to just sit on my bed and listen to my snake river conspiracy c.d. and take a nap.

2001-02-09T22:07:00.000-08:00

so i'm skimming through makeoutclub.com, and there is NOTHING (or no one) that i find sexy on here. well i'm only seen 15 (out of the 130something) pages of guys. but only one of them, named rye, made me look twice. i must say...emo guys aren't really my type. i like the butterhead/greaser men. yes men. i need someone strong and masculine, not a fancy boy. you know what i mean?

2001-02-09T21:46:00.000-08:00

made a loser out of myself today.
i called spencer up without my gun loaded. i shoulda just walked into the class with no pants on, cos they equal the same amount of embarassment. i wanted to make sure his girlfriend doesn't join us at the "group" date, so i called him up, and there were a lot of "um, yeah", "yeah...okay", etc, ugh!!!!! LAME!!!

luckily L came to the rescue and we went to PB and walked along the shore and recaptured our not-so-distant youth. we collected numerous sand dollars while i destroyed nature with my curiousity. i'm stoked that i get to playn on the swings tomorrow! fuck it if it rains, i'll do it anyway! :o)

hugs&tugs,
a youthful [b]girl